Useful Tips to Communicate Your sexual needs - Let's talk about sex
I know I promised a blog last time about creating your perfect dating profile, but this just seems to be a topic for discussion in the community right now... And because sex comes up relatively early in the dating meet-up process these days, I think this will really help...
So. Let's talk about sex, ladies! (and gentlemen if any are here who are interested in helping their lady achieve true pleasure :) Welcome.
It's such an awkward topic, isn't it? I know that I always got a shifty, nervous kind of feeling on the topic of sex; and seriously getting what * I * enjoyed out of it wasn't even on my radar! It was just something you DID... to make HIM happy...and be in a "normal", "good" relationship. If I was asked to say what I liked, I would either lose eye-contact, confidence and my ability to speak; or I'd kind of turn into "one of the guys" and talk about it like it was a sport... or a game. Looking back on it, it was seriously weird.
Sex is easy. Maybe some ladies can even magic themselves an orgasm in the process. But either way, there's still something missing. Sex feels like another task; another job you HAVE to do.
In order to really enjoy yourself, it's important for you to say... talk about what you LIKE.
As Madonna says, "Express yourself!"
"Sexual pleasure and communication go hand in hand. Openly sharing your desires and boundaries is essential for a fulfilling sexual partnership." – Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Open your heart - Say what makes you feel good and beautiful
But the default understanding of "feeling good" seems to be what PHYSICALLY feels good: Kiss me here! Touch me there! and all that. The problem is, I don't know about you but, with kids, work, and daily life, everything is so tense and distracted that there's NO chance of relaxing enough to feel calm or good, let alone orgasmic!
So, here's a quick exercise: What do you notice about the couple in my blog image? (except that it looks cheesey ;)
- They both look like they're having fun.
- They're laughing.
- She's relaxed.
- His actions make her feel comfortable enough to genuinely laugh and smile
- They're both fully clothed!!
"Intimate communication is a bridge of understanding between partners, a path to emotional connection and satisfaction." – Esther Perel
Regular rituals - Intimate monologues with your man
Theoretically that sounds amazing, right? The question is, what does "intimate, emotional communication" look like, WORD FOR WORD? It feels even more weird going so deep in to detail about the words we could say in the lead up to, or the process of, sex - I can imagine your cringes from here, so I'll get straight in to it to ease your mind.
It's actually quite easy. I'll start out with simple, everyday, family-friendly, and realistically achievable words:
- "Daniel, I'm glad you're here. I'm lucky to have you.
- "When you go out fishing with the guys, I really enjoy the time to relax. I've planned a coffee meet up with my girlfriends next time - We always have such fun together. And I'm also glad that you get some good, quality time with the guys.
- "Honey, when you talk to the kids and take an interest in what they say or do in school, I really appreciate you supporting them. I admire your strength and caring.
- "Sweetheart, yesterday when we laughed together about that joke you told, it gave me such a warm and light feeling in my chest. I felt like we connected and somehow understood each other."
- Honey, I was just thinking about that date that you took me on when we were first dating - I felt so special holding hands across the table in the candle light and wearing a pretty dress.
- "My LOVE, just now when you touched the back of my neck you gave me warm tingles over my whole body. It made me feel so good... and greedy for more.
- Darling, when I can talk and share my thoughts and feelings with you, I feel so heard and cared about.
Let him expresses himself with deeds
The beauty of these little monologues is, that he doesn't have to talk; When men talk about feelings, they biochemically tend to go into failure mode, which makes them feel incompetent and turned off. On the other hand when YOU do the talking, it biochemically helps you to relieve stress and feel more relaxed. For your partner, these words of gratitude and admiration give him a biochemical boost of testosterone: The success hormone. It's a small gesture of love from us ladies that sets us up for genuine pleasure at sexy time.
I can imagine that some of you might be a little sceptical and can't imagine saying anything like that to your partner. I can totally understand that! It's hard to lavish praise or gratitude when we feel so empty or burnt out... neglected. But why not just try it on your next date? Find one thing that he does that pleases you and see what effect it has on your evening. It definitely can't hurt, right?
That's actually a topic for another blog...or two... So if you're interested, why not drop a like on this blog and subscribe! I'd appreciate your support in helping my blog to grow.
Coming Up Next: Intimate Monologues #05 - Your perfect dating profile... OR "Me" time before "Couple" time... OR Communicating negative feelings to get what you need.
THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME AND SEE YOU AGAIN NEXT TIME!
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